The Last Letter

Safe is safe: it’s boring, it’s ‘acceptable’. Safe conforms, safe doesn’t ‘rock the boat’, safe is not risky. Safe is cowardly, safe doesn’t push you to think, safe doesn’t challenge you to grow, safe doesn’t get you anywhere. Safe keeps you where you are. Safe means you care what other people think of you, that their opinion of you is more important than your opinion of yourself. Safe means you’ll never get hurt and it also means you’ll never find out if an endeavor would’ve worked. Safe is what we are, safe is what you are, and I’m done being safe.

Safe is what got me here, rather the exasperation with safe. Safe is why we don’t talk any more. I know it’s nothing personal. The timing was…is wrong. It’s not your fault. It’s not any one’s fault. I won’t apologize for wanting more for myself, for demanding more from myself. It just is the way it is. I wonder how things would’ve been between us. I’d’ve have loved to see you naked and to see you nude.

Wishes; silly things.

I severally stood before you naked and you turned away. This is see you in another lifetime, this is goodbye. Maybe my pain is too much pain for you. Maybe yours would’ve been too much for me. At this point, I don’t think we’ll ever find out. I wish I could say I’m sad, or angry, or any of those things that come with…a parting of ways. All I feel is free and light and gay. I won’t waste my thoughts on you any more, and…well, so much for your thoughts.This feels juvenile, my saying these things, a lashing out of sorts, the fox who cried sour grapes.

I know your grapes are not sour. They’re out of reach. And I’m fine with that. I get it now. No, actually I don’t, but in a sense, I do. You have expectations you have to live up to and implicit promises you made. You can’t afford to sour all that. I can’t wait for a dream in a dream. I’ve resided in my thoughts long enough. I’m taking a stroll on the bushy side. A few scars will give these smooth skins some much-needed character. Have a good one. I’m off to break myself and get broken at the bottom of the cliff. I would say, in my typical fashion, “See you on the other side.” But, who are we kidding.

……n

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