Aside from the obvious pain and loneliness and bleakness, I find heartbreaks especially tragic for one reason: the ensuing feelings of inadequacy. It’s not a far throw to reason that being let go has something to do with not being good enough, despite what one may tell themselves and be told. The bollocks of we were not meant to be and He didn’t deserve me anyway and I’ll find someone better don’t hold when you’re sitting alone with your thoughts and there’s no one to put a brave face on for.
This becomes even more painful when you got into a relationship despite your feelings of inadequacy, got into it to seek some validation, that you’re worthy of love and attention and intimacy and affection. You tether your hopes and emotions and dreams on one person, you get lifted, and then….. Nothing. You come crashing down and you’re left battered even more than you were before.
Those same feelings you were trying to escape get reinforced. And this is the bigger tragedy: appreciating ourselves only when someone else appreciates us, loving ourselves only when we’re loved. I find this arse-backwards. We can only appreciate others when we appreciate ourselves, we can only love others when we love ourselves. For those gangstas out there who nary say The ‘L’ Word, you can’t give what you don’t have. If you don’t accept yourself, how can you expect any one to accept you?
Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. ~ Lao Tzu
A simpler version of this quote is this one below. It is supposedly Buddhist, although I’m having difficulty verifying its true origin:
You are already perfect as you are, yet you can always be better.