“I’m not just saying that.”

I find myself saying that quite a few times. An unnecessary qualifier, one may argue, because am I not sure I am telling the truth or have I no conviction in my words? Not really. I have been told that I am often sarcastic, even when I am genuinely not, or most often, that I am difficult to take seriously. Delivering this statement with a measure of seriousness as I look you dead in the eye, it might work. I may convince you that I am not the person I used to be, even when I know I do not have to and neither feel the need to.

For the first time in a long time, I am comfortable with who I am and with who I am becoming. This may come across as puffery dressed up as confidence. It is not. Disappointing the people in my life and not living up to their expectations of me no longer worries me and keeps me up at night. I am no longer as concerned that I may come off as a fraud when I meet new people. Although I know I should probably pay more attention to my finances, it does not faze me; how broke I often am. I gather that eventually, sooner than not, I may altogether stop qualifying what I say. I do not need to constantly justify or explain myself. And neither do you.


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