You told me how handsome you think I am, how you like the way my fingers curl around the glass, how my lips curl lightly around the straw. Ulisema vile macho yangu ni sexy and the way I smelled so good. I had to smell myself when I went to the gents’ to….. relieve myself, before the festivities began. Indeed, I did smell good! I had showered and borrowed my Papa’s cologne and deodorant before I came to meet you. You once told me how a great-smelling man is half the job done, and I had bought you the Cadbury’s Dairy Milk, ile bar kubwa, Fruit and Nut. Your favourite. Ha ha ha, nuts! You like nuts! He he he! Aki you’re a jinga! Alafu sasa?
As your hand brushed my arm, I could feel a great warmth rising from my belly and radiating outwards from my face. I was hot for you. And you were for me too. We chatted easily, about all the naughty things we would be sharing, your eyes narrowed and gazing steadily into mine, sharing unsaid sensual nothings. Then you said you had to go home. I knew I would be coming with you. Yes! I fist-pumped Tiger Woods-style in my mind. Kwanza vile ulinishow ulipika beef stew mingi na kuna leftovers….. And there’s that book you said I should read. I hope I’ll remember to carry it with me when I leave tomorrow afternoon, after lunch and dessert. Ti hi hi hi hiiiii! Alafu sasa?
Then… Then you said that your sisters were coming over, ati they just called out of the blue and si I had told you that they come over kimalamala like that, ama? Hmmm. Anyway, this was fun! I really like you, by the way. Si we chat later? “By the way”, like I was an afterthought. I had bought Durex Featherlite, because I know you like those, not those cheap Trust. Actually, I don’t know what you like, but Mike, remember Mike, ule kadinya boyz wangu? told me you can’t go wrong with Durex, dame tu anaona uko na class, yaani wewe ni ule msee hananga jokes. I was going to make sure you saw the packaging. And see the package, mtu wangu! Now what am I going to do with these na vile nimekaa kabla sijaget some? And I only had a samosa and a juice while you had the beef fillet with mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables. Pesa yangu ya wiki nusu ilienda na bado nilikuwa njaa ajabu. Alafu sasa?
I walked you to the gate to your estate and you said I couldn’t come in, huyu watchie anakuwanga fala sana. I didn’t see a watchie. Wacha niseme bye hapa. I’m kinda shy about introducing my friends to my family. Aki they’ll ask too many questions, wah! I had been looking forward to meeting your people. You almost never mention them kwani you don’t like them? He he, nervous laughter. You have met a couple of mine. Surely, they can’t be all that bad. No, I’m not ready, but one day at a time, ama? Wee, wacha niishie. I couldn’t even feel your boobs when we hugged na vile nilikuwa nimejifinya kwako. Ni mifupa tu, collar bones, nilifeel, vile uli lean back. You smelled nice, by the way. I watched you walk away, not once turning back, buried in your phone, sashaying away without a care in the world. It started to rain and I forgot to ask for my umbrella back, the one I lent you last week when you were going to pick your sister up from the airport. Alafu sasa?